 
Balletlover - Balletmania
written by Seamless at on 14.03. at 04:06:52 - as answer to: Help with my confession or problem? by D Question-- Other than sharing your experience, what is the intention of your posting? Are you unsure about your sexuality and have started to explore the "taboo" side of it? Or are you fairly confident that you are gay, but have just been afraid to explore that part of yourself yet? Did you have any sexual attraction to Lelga during those early years? Maybe by answering these questions, we'll have an idea of what you're trying to accomplish, and perhaps help you. Otherwise, I'll go on for a few pages speculating on various possibilities! Take care,~Seamless~ >Hello and thanks to anyone who reads this. I do write this with much sincerity and I do invite any answers and criticisms and, hopefully, support.>I think it started when I was about 11 or 12, when I would visit a friend in Germany (I live in New York State now, grew up in Queens) that I would see her in her Ballet class and then outfit when I would visit her. Her costume was so lovely. She normally would wear pink tights, black leotard and eiher a tutu or a simple cloth wrap, whatever. Seeing her in her class (she is five years older than me) was a real turn-on and I simply had feelings of jealously from the start. You know, like I wanted to both dress like her and take classes with her. And since I would stay with her and her family during the summers (her parents were business partners with mine), a dream to study ballet (and dress like her) finally came true.>Living in a fairly tough part of Queens, I would never have told my childhood friends of such a desire, but being now in Germany from June to late July, I was able to do what I wanted without anyone from "the states" knowing.>I very much fell in love, not only with studying ballet, but (and here's the the start of my confession) with wearing tights and leotards. They felt incredible. It was like I would become in touch with my total body when I had them on. I loved it. It was both calming and sensuous at the same time. And anyone who has ever experienced the coldness of the Alps might also know how warm they are as well as being sensuous. >I was very close to Lelga (not her real name) and wanted to go partying with her and her friends in the evenings (she lives in Berlin). But I was always denied such by the bar-club owners/bouncers because of my age. One of her (Lelga's) girlfriends mentioned that if I was "dressed the same", the problem with I.D. might be solved.>As a goof one evening (I was about 14 at the time) I dressed up as 'one of her girlfriend's' and it actually worked in getting into the bars. One right after another, I got in with no questions asked. Of course, I was quite small back then, about 5'3" and even back in the states, I was at times, mistaken for a younger woman (Hey, I am not macho looking in the least!).>The thing is, I liked it very much. I liked it when Lelga and her friends would take so much "quality time" in helping me get dressed up like them, even down to not only wearing silk panties but yellow or pink tights and even a soft colored leotard. I really liked it. It was very sensuous and, I hope I can be understood here, I felt like "one of the group". It was an incredible feeling to actually be looked upon as a "woman" or a girl among others. >I am not ashamed of such, but perhaps I am afraid of such. I have even begun lately (I am now 22) thinking of doing such again. And, (and here's my confession) becomming intimate with another man while acting out my feminine side.>Please, if any of you want to flame me/insult me, go ahead. I think I can handle it. But if any of you have experienced what I am driving at, offer me some advice here. Or tel me what you think.>Thank you to all who take the time to read this and to those who reply. Answers to this message:
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