 
Balletlover - Balletmania
written by Seamless on 13.03. at 07:45:00 - as answer to: Dancewear Bondage by Radium123 It's a shame that this website does provide for a year indicator. It's hard to know just went this thread was started and the replies made. Well, Jay recently responded to it and this post shows up in the "Recent Posts" sorting for this year. So, it's not totally dead. Radium123 is long gone, but I think his message shares an important experience for him that other guys may relate to. I thought maybe it might be worthwhile to share one of my own. In brief, I have an extremely good memory where I can roll back to about 3 years old and revisit memories from that time. Not quite as clear as the last few years, but there are plenty of key moments I can recall. I have a memory back then of remembering even a little earlier, but not much detail. Just one thing in particular. My mother used to dress me in tights when I was an infant, up to about 2 years old. From what I learned later, this wasn't unusual. There wasn't much of a stigma about tights on boy toddlers back then, in the early 60's. But, my mother changed her tune when I got older. Somehow, when I was 5 years old, I found a pair of tights in a box of old clothes and something felt very familiar about them. I was alone at the time, and so I put them on. I liked the way they felt, soft and snug. But when my mother caught me in them, her mood was not welcoming. She asked me sternly to take them off. I asked why and got the usual "because I said so" answer. I complied. But I didn't take this as a rule to be followed henceforth. My mother disposed of those tights, so I did the only logical thing I could think of--visit my sister's dresser. My sister being a little younger than me presented a challenge, as most of her tights wouldn't fit me. But apparently there were a few pairs just a tad large on her, which fit me fine. I took to wearing them in secret, but I wasn't careful enough and my mother caught me wearing them in my room over briefs with just a t-shirt on. She was pissed, ordered me to take them off, and swear I'd never wear them again. Why? "Because tights are for girls, not boys!" But they wear them in ballet. "You're not a dancer!" And that was that. I tried to forget about them. But next year in school, there were a few girls in my class that sported tights on their legs almost every day. One girl I had taken a liking to, and she wore these really cute bright red tights. I think part of me was drawn to her because of the tights she wore. Anyway, they got me going again. I had to try wearing tights again at home. This time, I'd be more crafty. And I was... I didn't get caught. Not ever. In a way, I was cursed. You see, this wearing of tights as a taboo thing started something inside me. I began to get excited wearing them. Part of it was also due to the feminine identity to them. I wasn't attracted to boys and didn't want to dress up in girls clothes... just the tights. You see, I discovered much later on that the tights represented the feminine. Wearing them was like embracing a girl, but easier--no risks of rejection or embarrassment. And so, I'd get excited. Then puberty came and the excitement went to the next level. And that... well, that cemented it for me. The curse was that I was sexually distracted. I had the tights, which were safe and pleasurable. I was a shy kid and sensitive, a target for bullying. And so I was incredibly insecure with girls. Thus, I didn't have my sexual drive pushing me forward. It was busy with enjoying the tights. Eventually, I broke through and had relationships with girls. No 40 year old virgin here, losing it during college. But sex wasn't easy for me. It would take me a while to become relaxed with a girl enough to "perform". Sometimes a girlfriend wouldn't be patient enough and we'd break up. Other times, well, things went great and I felt on top of the world. But all the while, the tights haunted me. My attraction for them remained. I continued to wear them in secret. I'd become brave enough to hide my fears when entering a dance wear store and buy tights. Then one day I saw them... the footed unitard. And that pushed things up to the next level. A neck to toe unitard felt so, so good! Several tights would end up destroyed, even a unitard or two, because I had such conflicts inside myself about this. I so wanted to be NORMAL, but, I couldn't resist the calling of the tights. Then one day, I reached a period in my life when I wasn't dating much. I'd moved and didn't know many people. Made a few friends, but they had no connections. I was disgusted with myself for liking tights. I'd gone into therapy. There, my therapist explained the concept of "fetishes". I was told to embrace this, accept it as part of my sexuality, think of it as an asset--hey, I've got two things that turn me on; women and tights. But to me, they were mutually exclusive. One or the other. And even though I found a girlfriend who didn't reject me over them, even wanted to incorporate them into our love making, I felt weird about the mixing. It just didn't seem right. I couldn't let go of the criticism that my mother dished out to me so long ago. "Wrong". "Boys don't wear them." So back to that patch of time without a girlfriend... I decided it was time. I started wearing the tights DAILY. Even to bed. Under my jeans, despite the warmer weather making me sweat and feel uncomfortable. But I noticed that the familiarity of wearing them wore away at the attraction. I stopped getting excited, yet kept going. And once the temps were too much for long pants, I ditched them. And man... I felt LIBERATED. By that point, I'd began to form this connection in my head. THEY ARE JUST CLOTHES. There's nothing really "feminine" about them. Men wear them in dance, but just not for fashion (anymore--though once a long time ago, they did). Women wear them mostly for fashion. And everybody wears socks. So, the tights are just long socks. Big deal. There's nothing really sexual about them at all. The association was ALL IN MY HEAD, because of a childhood connection. A mistaken interpretation. And so my friends, that was it. I was done. I must admit, I still find it sexy seeing a woman wearing tights. But the sexiness is the highlighting of her form, her curvy legs and slender feet. That's what drives the attraction. The tights and pantyhose can accentuate it, but alone they are NOTHING. So, I still have this box in my closet that contains tights and unitards. I couldn't get myself to throw them out. During Halloween, I often use a unitard as the foundation of my costume. I also put on footless tights design for running, during the colder months. If a girlfriend sees the box and all the stretchy things within, including tall women's tights, she might ask me what it's all about. I respond in a matter-of-fact way that I sometimes wear them under my pants when its cold out, kind of like thermal underwear but much less bulky. If she gets a little weirded out, I make sure she understands I'm no cross dresser. I've got no sexual identity hangups and so I'm not self conscious about wearing tights. They serve a purpose and yeah, probably few guys do this, but I discovered by chance that they work well and don't mind it. So far, no breakups because of the tights... AFAIK. So yes... anybody out there stuck with the dilemma of a fetish like this, know that you can get over it. Really. It's just like the security blanket that Linus would never let go of. Eventually, he does. It just takes time and patience. And believe me, it's worth it if you're not able to embrace it. I must admit that when I'm in between relationships, once in a while I feel the urge to slip into them for no other purpose than to just feel them on me. Maybe it's a kind of "comfort". But after a while, I find that there's just nothing there at all. I really did move on. You can too, if that's what you want. ~Seamless~ Answers to this message: 
|
